Funny Captions For Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin.
We are surrounded by lots of social media apps, websites. We continuously try to grow our social media followers.
The hunger for the followers never stops, so we need to impress our follower with catchy and sassy captions.
We can see the list of Top Instagram profile, who had the tons of followers and they also charge, some million dollar for a single post on either on Instagram, Twitter or any other social media platform.
So, you are getting my point my friends? followers matters when you want to increase your social media presence.
Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversation much more interesting.
If you fall I will be there.
I need a SIX month vacation twice a year.
If a guy cries for you to be with you, trust me he is not lying.
I got so drunk last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another drink, I won the dance contest!!!
I don’t want to go to HEAVEN none of my friends will be there.
I have multiple personality, but none of them like you.
I am sorry mom, but I could’t hold it in any longer!!!
OMG!!!! I have finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain, on the left side,there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles.
Rain drop, drop top all i do is eat non stop. 🙂
I have a dream but when that dream come true. I don’t have dream anymore. Xoxo
We’re lucky COVID happened in 2020 imagine this happened in 2003. Months in your house with a Nokia 3310 playing fucking snake.
I can’t believe that one day my kids will also block me from viewing their status.
The way i care for everyone makes me wish i had someone like me in my life.
Why do people add you on facebook then never talk to you.
Funny Captions for Instagram
I don’t need crush, i need cash.
Just because you were born in poverty, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be poor forever. I was born in a hospital, yet I’m not a doctor.
Remove expectations from people, and you’ll remove their power to hurt your feelings.
Being alone in the toilet is a reminder that you’re always alone when shit goes down.
Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason
Just remember if we get caught, you are deaf and I don’t speak english.
Yesterday, i wanted to fight a certain guy but people separated us. This morning i saw the same guy training people in karate. GOD NEVER FORGETS HIS CHILDREN.
Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness, can deposit it in my bank account.
You are not useless because you can still be used as a bad example
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Perks of being ugly: Phone battery lasts longer.
Please stop asking for the perfect boy for Christmas! Santa tried to kidnap me this week(4th time)
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She’s 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
Funny Captions for Friends
i’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever
Not all good byes are sad. Example : Maths teacher saying “Good bye class”
I remember once my mother slapped me, because I was crying, because she slapped me.
Excuse me?what did u say,i can’t hear u i have an ear disease called i don’t fucking care
When ur trash but still better than everyone else.
Throwing fertilizer at people so they grow the hell up.
Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes.
If you’re in a relationship & all you do is cry everyday. You need to stop & ask yourself, am i dating a human or an onion.
If i swallow magnets will i become attractive?
I broke up with my gym,we were just not working out.
My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.
I hate when i offer someone food and they accept
I embarrass myself in front of myself
If u ever need nothing i’m here for u
Im the first slice of bread because no one wants me.
Funny Captions for Selfies
Being ugly is so damnnn peaceful. nobody text you, nobody falls in love with you, nobody cares whether you alive or dead, nobody stares at you, you don’t feel like posting your pictures every time, you can just be happy all alone
I’m not an English scholar but I know where to use “then” and “than” more then you…
Funny Captions for Pinterest
Advantages of being SINGLE
1. You can sleep well.
2. You can save time and money.
3. No worries about how you look.
4. No missed calls in the midnight.
5. No need to recharge more than twice a day.
6. You can talk to all boys/girls.
7. You can eat well.
8. No scoldings from parents/guardians.
9. Can eat in any restaurant.
10. You can visit anybody.
11. Can pick any call, any time without being questioned.
12. Don’t worry about missed calls.
13. You can do whatever you want.
14. You don’t need to displease yourself.
Funny Captions for For Online Classes
My dad : Son you’re adopted. Me: Wow I wonder who my real parents are. My dad: We’re your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
World’s smallest resignation letter? Respected sir, I love Ur wife. Thank you
it’s a proven fact that generosity makes you a happier person, so if you’re generous enough to hit the like button and follow this page then thank you:
Hi guys can you do me a favor? Can you guys please like this facebook page:
Benefits of dating me 1. I’m ugly and no one will ever try to steal me from you.
Nobody ever told Me “You are my world” Maybe I’m just a village.
I saw you liked two of my posts, If you love me just say that
After 250 selfies I realized that the beauty of soul is more important.
I’m so naturally funny because my life is a joke.
I really love talking to myself.
Someone said, when a short person waves at you, it’s called microwave.
Everyone says to follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.
How to fall asleep faster? Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.
How do you know when a lawyer is lying? When their lips are moving
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.
I want money not a job.
Hello twitter world, Twitter don’t care
ME. I am finally happy.
Life – LOL wait a sec:)
The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.
If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.
STRANGERS, think I am quiet. MY FRIENDS, think I am outgoing. MY BEST FRIENDS, know that I am completely insane.
Who is the president of United States? – Barack Obama.
My husband pissed me off so I bought another half-dozen throw pillows for our bed.
I thought attending Zoom meetings from home was the worst. Then I went back to the office and experienced being around other people who were in Zoom meetings.
I would tweet more but there are still about 200 million twitter users that haven’t even acknowledged my existing tweets
“We should ban TikTok because the Chinese are stealing our data” bro just admit you can’t dance.
Celery is what happens when you tell grass it can be anything it wants to be
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we’re okay.
The second date went downhill fast when I showed up with a scrapbook of our first date.
Fortunately, my earbuds got tangled back in March so I’ve had something to do the whole pandemic.
2019: live, laugh, love 2020: lather, rinse, repeat.
I can feel myself slipping into screensaver mode every 10 minutes.
For a brief moment, I got excited because I thought my toothpaste said anti-plague instead of anti-plaque.
Somebody please give 2021 a snickers bar.
Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
If your mom can’t find it, it’s gone.
My eyes cried too much this year.
It’s Christmas and look who’s on Instagram. All of us.
You ever misspelled a word so bad autocorrect didn’t even help you our.
Dear friends, your christmas gift this year…is me, that’s right, another year of friendship, your membership has been renewed.
I spent 14 years to improve my handwriting and now we are using keyboard.
Act Like a fool, think like a brilliant.
“There’s a difference between people who are smart and people who get Good Grades?”
Laundry today or naked tomorrow.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
She is so far out of my league, she is playin for the other team.
You made me laugh so hard tears ran down my leg.
Trying to remember to forget.
Life is hard then you die.
Sarcasm is the best answer to a stupid question.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth… carefully edited truth.
Some guys knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, I gave him a glass of water.
Procrastinator? No. I just wait until the last second to do my work because I will be older, therefore wiser.
Dear life, when I said can my day get any worse. it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
If you tickle my feet I am not responsible for what happens to your face.
I am not saying she is fat, I am just saying if I had to pick five of the fattest people I know, She’d be three of them.
I wish I had more middle fingers to give out.
I am having a hard time getting over the relationship that we were never in.
Me? Jealous? ahhahahhahahahahnanananahahahahahnnananayes
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
I would exercise but it makes me spill my drink.
We al have a friend with a retarded laugh.
Dinosaurs were just lies fed to us to cover the existence of pokemon!
Cloths that don’t fit mean you have a good appetite.
Daily routine: Wake up, be awesome go back to sleep.
Life is simple, people are complicated.
The only thing stronger than a mother’s love is a garlic breath. 🙂
If you fail the stupid test, does that make you smart or stupid?
I just read a book on antigravity.
I couldn’t put it down.
Some people need a sympathetic pat on the head…with a hammer…
Me and my girlfriend are so different… I exist and she doesn’t
I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Sometimes I wonder what I am doing with my life. Where I am going. What if I fall in love. What I want…Then I pull my pants and flush the toilet.
Justice is a beautiful concept. Unicorns too.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Stressed spelled backward is Desserts.
You were hotter online.
“Truth or dare” should be renamed to “Interrogation” or “Humiliation”
Home sweet mess.
I will sell my broken watch when the time is RIGHT.
You breath oxygen? We have so much in common.
I just awesomed all over the place.
404: Life not found.
I feel empty inside. Lays confessed.
Stop staring! was Just a sneeze.
Hug Me until we both feel okay.
I m not mad. I m just hungry of love.
One lie is enough to question all the truths.
No one wants someone who flirts with everyone.
The best makeup is your smile.
Don’t limit your love to one heart.
Friends send your favourite quotes to Me. If i like it, i will tweet it.
Never love with the expectation of being loved back, that is not true love.
You don’t need words to show that you care for someone.
People try to spoil your happiness because they’re unhappy with their own lives.
Love doesn’t need to be perfect, it just need to be true.
Being polite is so rare these days that its often confused with flirting.
All I want is FOOD and AFFECTION.
Anyone else feeling guilty for not studying but still not studying lol.
Life is so boring when you don’t have an online order to look forward to.
I am done with 2020 might start drinking for new years now.
“Can you stop bouncing your leg” no bro have anxiety.
Just cause I see your stories doesn’t mean I actually see your stories LOLLLL!
Dear SANTA I can explain.
“You are so quiet” thanks I do not want to talk to you.